Patched! Vintage or wedding 'skinflint'?
Advice on re-wearing wedding outfits because it's cool and there is no spotlight anyway.
Patched has new visuals because, surrounded by AI sludge, I only want to share organic, obviously human made art.
I want the finger prints and smudges. I want the drafts and the workings out on scraps of paper. I want the stories told and handed down as they have been for millennia.
Give me your typos and your heartfelt words that spilled ink like blood and took hours or days or years to write. Share with me your doodles and your gifts and your hard earned craft.
These are the things that are worth having.
Hello and welcome back to Patched.
In between my regular newsletter I send out Patched - a series where people ask me a fashion (or fashion-adjacent) question, and I reply with a short letter from an anti-capitalist perspective.
If you have a question, please email me at: DearPatched@proton.me
The title Patched is a reminder that at this critical time we need repair and regeneration as well as analysis. I will keep unpicking and unravelling the fashion industry but Patched makes space to explore mending - finding solutions to both personal and structural problems.
If you like Patched please forward this email, share it as a post or screenshot. If you've been forwarded this and want to keep in touch please subscribe for free.
Patched is on YouTube - watch, listen, enjoy this column!
Hi Patched,
This June my grandson is getting married, so I'm wondering what to wear. I've still got a lovely summer suit that I wore to our daughter's wedding 29 years ago. The long flared skirt is fine, but the jacket would need altering to fit properly again. My local dressmaker says it could be done for £90.
Does it look mean if I don't buy something new for my beloved grandson's big event?
Not everyone at the wedding will be a convinced environmentalist!
What should I do? Sheila 😊
Dear Sheila,
Thank you for your letter.
The short answer is yes - you absolutely should rock your pink summer suit to your grandson’s wedding. The long flared skirt sounds beautiful and how lovely to have a dressmaker on hand to make the alterations you need. You could always match the skirt with a blouse or top that you already own in case it is very warm this summer.
Now for the longer answer...
You used the term ‘skinflint’ in the subject line of your letter and I absolutely understand the fear of being stigmatised for choosing an outfit that involves not buying something new. Remember, however, that no one will have any idea that you have owned this lovely suit for 29 years unless you tell them – and you are under no obligation whatsoever to do so.
In a hypothetical situation where an admiring onlooker asks you directly where you got your suit, you could then either fib or tell the truth. I have a relative who chooses to respond to admiring questions by saying “oh it’s from a little shop in Chiswick” which is code for I got it from a charity shop for less than the price of your coffee.
On the other hand, telling the truth makes the suit extra cool in 2026! Everyone wants vintage, everyone wants pre-loved, everyone wants the elusive cool of not looking like everyone else. Dropping in that your dressmaker reworked the jacket for you is legitimately fabulous.
It’s up to you which path you take but recognising that by stating confidently that you did not feel the need to buy anything new is helping to rewrite the outdated rules of what was once considered socially acceptable. Sometimes we need to be a bit brave and move past the ingrained capitalist messages that new is somehow better. It is your preference to wear the suit and that is enough.
It is cool to be a pioneer of a new fashion system where we wear what we love and don’t accept anything else.
The Spotlight Effect
I also wondered if you have heard of the spotlight effect? It can be hugely useful in situations that provoke even a tiny bit of social anxiety.
We go through life thinking there is a spotlight on us, that we are being intensely noticed all the time – that everyone around us is paying minute attention to every detail of what we say and wear, how we walk and stand, what our teeth or hair or outfit looks like.
In reality we are far less noticed than we believe – not least because all the people around us are highly focused on their own appearance, actions and inner worlds. Understanding this takes a lot of pressure off – you can go to the party or conference or wedding and relax knowing that there is no spotlight on you. You can just have a good time.
I reminded myself of spotlight theory the first time I went to a Soca Aerobics class! My lack of experience made me uncomfortable and I began to perceive myself as the main person in the room because I must so obviously be doing badly.
I’d signed up to escape my worries, but trying to dance while feeling self conscious is really hard. When at last I remembered the spotlight effect, I allowed myself to look around the room and see dozens of women either trying really hard to keep up or openly having an amazing time. Everyone was smiling, no one was looking at me or gave a damn about anything except their own workout.
So I let go. I stopped thinking about myself, stopped worrying about how I looked, ignored the mirror and instead concentrated on the steps and the music. I released into the joy of feeling my body move and having a good time.
Seek Joy
My suggestion is to apply this approach to your grandson’s wedding because we need joy in this difficult world.
The best weddings are incredible bubbles of intense joy for the people getting married and for the guests. They are moments in time where beloved people come together and celebrate love. It is wonderful!
Use this moment to seek and create joy in this world – refresh yourself in the good that we fight for, and remember the kind of world we want to inhabit and the future we deserve.
Let yourself escape from the worries about who is wearing what and inhabit the magical space that you will create with your loved ones. There is no spotlight to worry about, rather what will stay with you is the joy that you share.
Just be sure to take along the pair of shoes that you best love to dance in. Hit the dance floor, stay up as late as possible and have the best time.
Wishing you well.
In solidarity, Tansy.
Patched for your eyes and ears - go on, give us a like 'n' subscribe 😄
p.s. Last call for the demonstration on Saturday. Details here.
Whether it is your first demonstration or your 1000th - you are welcome to join the Fashion Not Fascism bloc. All you have to do is oppose the far right and if possible wear something red.
To peek behind the scenes at banner making, click here.
p.p.s. Thank you once again to artist and teacher Mel Mitchell-Jackson for the collage course.